Anything in parenthesis can (not) be ignored.
- - - - - - - - - -
"If you put something in quotation marks, then everyone will think someone famous said and they'll start saying it and then eventually it will be famous."
- - - - - - - - - -
But I ask, if I think not, am I not? I think not. Don't you think?
- - - - - - - - - -
What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning? -A visitor! :D
- - - - - - - - - -
Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and
lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelms. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey
lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
- - - - - - - - - -
Have you ever noticed anyone going slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
- - - - - - - - - -
Here is a riddle for you. A man and his son were in a car accident. Two ambulences came to pick them up and took them to two seperate hospitals.
The doctor came into the operating room and said, "I can't work on this boy, he is my son." How is that possible? -(The doctor is his mom)
- - - - - - - - - -
Hey, I'm not here because I'm there...I'm not sure where there is but if you find out, please come here and tell me...
- - - - - - - - - -
Hey? Didn't you IM me the day after yesterday?
- - - - - - - - - -
How do you throw away a trash can?
- - - - - - - - - -
I am lost. I have gone to look for myself. If I get back before I return, please tell me to wait.
- - - - - - - - - -
I am not here so leave a message. Well actually I could be here and I could just be ignoring you and you would never know.
I could be sitting here laughing at you because I am avoiding you and you don't know it. Ok, I'll make a deal with you. If you can guess correctly
whether or not I'm here I will talk to you. Then again, if I'm not here and you guess right then I'm really just not here to talk to you. Also, if I'm ignoring you
and you guess right then what do you really think are the chances that I'll tell you that you were right? So, I guess what I'm saying is leave a message and I'll
get back to you when I get back...unless I'm avoiding you.
- - - - - - - - - -
I haven't gone away but I'll be right back.
- - - - - - - - - -
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
- - - - - - - - - -
If an orange is called an orange then why isn't a banana called a yellow?
- - - - - - - - - -
If opportunity doesn't knock...build a door.
- - - - - - - - - -
If repetition is the key to learning, and repetition is a sign of stupidity, does that make learning stupid?
- - - - - - - - - -
If toast always lands jelly-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast (with jelly) on the back of a cat and drop it?
- - - - - - - - - -
If tomorrow is going to be twice as cold as it iss today, and if today is 0 degrees, how cold will it be tomorrow?
- - - - - - - - - -
if you ask someone if they're a compulsive liar and they answer yes, should you believe them?
- - - - - - - - - -
Isn't it scary to know what doctors do for a living is called "practice"?
- - - - - - - - - -
Minds are like parachutes--they only function when open.
- - - - - - - - - -
I used to have an open mind, but my brain kept falling out!
- - - - - - - - - -
Practice makes perfect but no one is perfect so why practice?
- - - - - - - - - -
Since history never stops, when does the future begin?
- - - - - - - - - -
The hard I do immediately. The impossible takes a little bit longer.
- - - - - - - - - -
The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population.
- - - - - - - - - -
The ones who never fail are the ones who never try.
- - - - - - - - -
The road to success is always under construction.
- - - - - - - - - -
Three wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do.
- - - - - - - - - -
What is the speed of dark?
- - - - - - - - - -
Why is it that if someone tells you that there are a billion stars in the universe, you will believe him, but if someone tells you a wall has wet paint on it
you will have to touch it to be sure?
- - - - - - - - - -
Why is it that when someone says they are no speech maker they have to go on to prove it?
- - - - - - - - - -
Why is it that when something is sent in a car, it's called a shipment, yet when it's sent in a ship, it's called cargo?
- - - - - - - - - -
Would a fly without wings be called a "walk"?
- - - - - - - - - -
Yesterday was that past, Tomorrow is the future, Today is a gift...that is why they call it the present.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you like these, make your favorite one your status on Facebook, Gtalk, AIM, Etc..